Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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