oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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