i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
