Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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