Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
