I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
