Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
