Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
