OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
