Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
