grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
