girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
