if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
