**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
