I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
...so i touched it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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