11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
