Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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