So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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