I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
