remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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