my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
