when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
