I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
