My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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