My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
