Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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