I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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