Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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