where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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