dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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