Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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