Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
