can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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