so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize