you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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