I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
