I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
