How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
