He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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