guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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