I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
