So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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