i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
