The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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