I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
