So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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