I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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