i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
