How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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