I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
