So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
