she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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