I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
