My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
