ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
