there was a trapeze. enough said
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
