we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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