smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
