Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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