Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
