i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
