I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
