man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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