Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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