zippers are such a cool invention
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize