Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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