You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
