Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
