Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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