i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize